Andras’ personal page

February 2023

My travel diary – Part 4: Closing thoughts

1. On my interactions with fellow expeditioners

Finally I found some quiet time to sit down and write this next chapter of my diary. I am in a Starbucks on the West side of Singapore, as I watch people pass by, I realize that I have come to the last few pages of my notes and diary. It has been about 4 weeks now since we returned from Mongolia and the memory of the trip is becoming more and more distant, filed across the many travel memories I made over the years. Of courseI have notes about the trip I can refer to but it feels more difficult now to put transport myself back to the moments I wish you recount and share. As I think back though I realize that interactions with my team members and special moments we shared is what really made this trip memorable and “once-in-a-lifetime”-level. 

Sharing a tent with the guys, rooming with Amir and Jayden. Sharing meals with everyone on a regular schedule every day. Even just having the opportunity to say good morning and good night to the same group of people most days over a 10 day period made this trip special to me. Sharing the back seat of Van 2 with Ananthi and getting through better or worse (road conditions..). Ryan giving a positive word of encouragement or throwing in one of his epic impersonations of one of us or an actor familiar to all of us. Or showing us a candid shot he took of one of us when we did not notice, with a perspective and artistry to unique and special to Ryan only. Kneeling down on the ice during our breaks to catch a breath, take a sip of hot tea and checking in on each other. Going out as a group in the evening to collect firewood to keep us warm at night, doing group exercise in the morning to keep us warm as we start our day. Those are some of the most special moments which made this trip what it was. The country was beautiful, the trip challenging but achievable. But when you have 19 people and their local supporters come together and find a way to get along, to organize themselves around a great cause and to support each other all the way is where the magic of the experience really rests. That will be irreplicable and truly memorable for the rest of my life. 

As I process my memories of the trip, getting them ready for “storage” in my brain and being reserved for the most special memories in my life I took a moment to commit each of my expedition-mates to this memory with a single word that comes to my mind when I think of them (notice how many of us had names starting with “A” ☺️):

Allegra – Free

Ananthi – Caring

Amy – Sweet

Valerie T. – Driven

Valerie F. – Balanced

Paul – Adventurous

Anne – Curious

Vincent – Focused

Jeffrey – Funny

Wee Kiam – Kind

Thomas – Passionate

Ryan – Artist

Peggy – Hilarious

Scott – Cool

Anthea – Supportive

Amir – Calm

Zoe – Wonderful

Jayden – Friendly

Andras – Present

Now that you “know us so well” feel free to learn more about each team member at this site:

https://give.asia/campaign/beyond-limits-3-on-ice/gallery

2. Reflections on my purpose for this trip

Reflecting on my purpose of this trip I realized that there is quite a lot of depth to this topic and the process of thinking back on my feelings and thoughts prior, during and after the trip has been quite meaningful in itself. 

I definitely knew and expected that contemplating cancer and its impact on our lives whilst taking on such a complex challenge will give me multiple opportunities to draw perspectives and to mature as a human being. What I did not realize was that planning ahead would only allow me to immerse myself in this journey to a certain depth, and only through being there and living through the many special moments would I be able to realize the extent to which this experience was once-in-a-lifetime. 

On a primary level my goals for this trip were to join a challenge, together with a group of strangers, with the sole focus of raising awareness and support for cancer through showing our determination to ensure a significant challenge in environmental conditions none of us are used to or have experienced before. This resolve to succeed together was my North Star that guided me through my decision making process to join, during the various stages of preparation and the trip itself. 

I feel that this objective was met with resounding success. Our group turned out to be very cohesive and in general it felt like everyone had a similar goal in mind and did whatever required for us to success together. Everyone was able to contribute in certain ways and pretty much everyone also needed some help from others at some point, which was never far, with a strong communal vibe floating around us all the time. People contributed their equipment, their time, their food, their space, their dancing skills, their smiles or supporting words. Or sometimes just a moment of companionship or a warm hug to help someone get over a momentary hump or have a last smile before getting ready for a cold night sleep. Our cancer survivor friends needed some help at times and at other times they gave help to others. Everyone contributing whichever way they could, no matter the circumstances. We all walked at the same pace, each of us carrying our own weight, be it our gear or our personal thoughts and feelings about life. Frankly, now that I think back, yes, we completed a massive challenge, but it was easy, given the strong group we had and how we supported and learned from each other at every moment. 

In addition to being part of the expedition and its purpose, I had a number of secondary goals in mind as well. Mongolia was a country I always wanted to visit, and getting an opportunity to visit a remote part of the country on such an epic trip was very exciting. I also thought that going off grid would allow myself to re-focus my mind from my regular life routine for the last 23 years and experience something different. Instead of planning a next meeting, answering a next email, thinking about my next business trip or meeting, how about if I start thinking about things like how I will stay warm, how I will ensure I get enough food that’s suitable for my diet, how I will go from point A to B without any technology help? How will I ensure I can stay clean and organized, when there is not even space to open my suitcase properly and anything I touch with my naked skin tends to stick to it. And how can I use these unexplored circumstances to stay calm, to stay focused and to allow myself some time for some inner contemplation and reflection?

I think the above chapters gave a good enough insight of the types of physical challenges we faced and how we dealt with them. The shear existence of the words you are reading here and the feelings I am trying to convey through them should serve as evidence of my mental progression through this expedition and the imprint it left in me as a lasting memory for the rest of my life. 

It was very interesting to observe myself getting immersed in the feeling that all there is is food, drink, warmth, the people in my group, nature around us and the challenge. During most of the trek itself nothing else mattered and it gave me a special contentment and fulfillment to have “just” those things to think about or worry about. I would say the secret formula to understanding why I wish I could go back to that trip is this feeling of just being in the moment and focusing on basic needs, combined with knowing that I am needed and counted on to support others and that I can also count on others supporting me when I am need. That’s it. nothing else and now you all know the secret to why this was such an amazing trip and experience. 

If you recall, I mentioned above that some of my realizations about trip only came about once we were actually under way. I did not expect to develop or, in some cases, rediscover these feelings, but thinking back on them as I wrote my notes and as I write the final segment of my diary brings happiness and joy. 

I knew Mongolia was a beautiful country. But getting to live on an ancient lake that holds 2% of the world’s fresh water is awe inspiring. Couple such awe with the beauty of the lake ice and the way the sunshine reflects on it and the majestic mountains on the western shores instilled in me how beautiful our planet is, how many beautiful places there are which many of us never get to see and how we have a huge responsibility in taking care of these natural treasures. 

I also wasn’t sure how my personal relationships will develop during the trip. I knew we were going to be a sizeable group and my thinking was just to keep to myself for most of the trip, helping others as required but mostly focusing inward. Instead, I felt very connected and among very caring and supportive friends from the beginning, in fact constantly looking for their company and opportunities to interact. I developed a deep sense of belonging I have not felt for quite some time prior to the trip. Be it our meal rituals, our sleeping arrangements or just walking on the ice together, being part of something bigger than myself felt amazing. I would say the one thing I miss the most about the trip is this close connectedness and routine we all developed. 

Part of the off-the-grid nature of the trip also made me plan to take a break from being a leader in my work and become an individual contributor to a significant cause. It was interesting to observe myself on the trip from this aspect. For various reasons, at times during the trek I felt I needed to lead us through situations. Whilst this wasn’t my intention, it felt like a natural instinct kicking in. I decided not to suppress this, rather to adjust and practice elements of my leadership style which I think need work. Namely servant leadership and leading with empathy. Our physical circumstances, our purpose and the makeup of the group required this type of approach in my assessment, where leadership skills or even just ideas would be just another contribution someone could make to ensure safety and the success of each individual and the group together. Ultimately our trip was a great success and I feel that everyone was extremely happy with their experiences. I would like to hope that my contributions helped others much as they helped me feeling a strong belonging and also becoming a better leader in the process. 

3. On my feelings and realizations during and after the trip

I have finally arrived at the final section of my trip notes. I wrote these about a week after coming back from Mongolia as a way of summarizing every feeling in my mind in a simple way. As such I shall return to my “trademark”, bullet form writing structure. Not sure these will make sense to you, but this is how they mean the most to me.

• Not having a fixed plan or being tied to a schedule did not bother me much. In fact any time discussions about trip plans came up, I would avoid those and move out of hearing range to stay in my little “dream world with no time”

• My experience as a team lead made me realize that leadership is a skill I have and I should not be shy to offer it if the situation requires

• It felt very special not being internet and social media for days

• I tried to focus on taking everything into my brain and mind. Even if this came at the expense of not taking too many pictures or making an effort to be in pictures. This trip was for me primarily and it will mostly live on inside me, in the form of mental pictures and feelings

• I had a certain brotherhood or army feelingsleeping in tents together and having regular cadence on sleep, meals and the trek

• I realized that I was not thinking much about gender roles in the group, rather thinking of everyone as a big family

• Supporting people, any people comes down to three things: courtesy, empathy, selflessness

• Everyone can achieve amazing things if they set their mind to those and if they a strong network of supporters around

• There is joy in not being first to everything or not being part of everything. Just letting things play out and observing the process can be just as enjoyable

• Not having alcohol during the trek allowed me to experience the trip to its fullest, without the slightest outside influence or substance to cloud my judgment or alter by ability to sense things

• The trip did not change my world or bring major revelations but I did not have any expectations so it did not disappoint

• I saw this note on my bed before our first night in Ulanbataar. Never realized how much truth there is in the words. Especially the last sentence: “Don’t Just Travel. Go Beyond.”

This has been the most complex chapter of my diary to write. Speaking about my feelings and interactions with other people has never come easy to me. But even just thinking about these things and building up a bit of courage to write them down is a step I am proud of. You may think this chapter has a lot of babbling and no cohesive structure. But I wrote as things came to my mind, trying to capture everything before my conscious mind would kick in and try to stop the flow of my words. 

I cherish the opportunity to share my perspectives on this amazing journey and I wish all readers many similar experiences and finding great connections on their own journeys.